I am fascinated by my kinks, and the reasons that lie beneath them, and have been pondering how my love of sensory deprivation, long-term heavy rubber bondage, gags, total latex coverage, restriction and other fetishes, might be a result of Sensory Processing Disorder or mild ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). My instincts tell me that there must certainly be some correlation, and this post will explore that.
I recall very clearly when I was a young boy, maybe four years old, and putting on layer after layer of clothes and winter jackets (to the point of almost being immobile), and somehow squeezing myself underneath my bed. As I lay there, wedged between the underside of the mattress and the floor, I remember feeling very good. Almost euphoric. It felt exactly the same as when I am bound in rubber, most likely in a rubber gimp suit and strapped into a heavy rubber sleep sack, hood, gag, muzzle and more. No sight, no ability to speak, or move, just lying there helpless and enjoying the tightness of the gear…floating in a delicious state of being.
I have always had peculiar tastes, disliking certain foods for no particular reason, being startled very easily, having extreme powers of concentration, experiencing pain in ways that are for more intense than your average person, yet possessing the ability to maintain composure under enormously serious situations (but sometimes losing my mind if I stub my toe or break a dish), the list goes on. I remember as a boy repeating musical patterns in my head, or humming the tune over and over, or tapping the same sequence of finger beats on a table or my leg (“stimming”). I can’t stand the sound of a bathroom or heating fan on in the house (it builds and builds until I must turn if, to great relief). I was (and remain to a lesser degree) afflicted with an irrepressible need to flex finger or arm joints, or my jaw, for no reason other than I just have to satisfy this compulsion. When I was a kid I could walk into a house and tell immediately if a television was on in another room (we’re talking about the old tube TVs here) even if the volume was turned off – I could hear the high-pitched frequency of the set when no one else could. I couldn’t get to sleep if there was any light shining into my room, but I was terrified of the dark. I have always had a lot of musical ability, and turned this to my advantage in band during high school where I was a member of the local high school’s stage band when I was still in middle school. Yet, I was terrible at math, but extremely good at spelling and writing. If I am interested in a topic, I can absolutely devour knowledge and bring myself up to a level of competence in a couple days that others might not achieve over weeks of investigation. I can retain facts and random knowledge for no apparent reason, but can’t remember someone’s name unless I use it at least three times.
I could go on, but it suffices to say that the characteristics above could certainly make a compelling case that I am somewhere on the spectrum, likely suffering from SPD and ADD as well. The symptoms and my ability to overcome them have certainly changed over the years, and I am just now starting to put the pieces together about my psychology and the manifestations of the lovely smorgasbord of peculiarities that live between my ears.
So as I reflect on all of this, I relate it to my love – nay, need – for sensory deprivation and heavy rubber bondage. Surely (I promise to never call you Shirley), these activities must satisfy a need to reduce the sensory inputs to a bare minimum, while adding a tightness all over my body. The physical sensation of being wrapped up, enclosed, blinded, and muted, resets the part of my brain that is barely coping with all of the sensory stimuli that threatens to overload my brain at all times. And when the only sensation remaining is touch, and the only places left to touch me are my nipples and cock, then the sensations are amplified and extremely pleasurable. Imagine my body being an audio engineer’s mixing board, with the sliders each controlling a particular sense. Being put in a sleep sack and hooded and gagged is like my Mistress taking the sight, tasting and smelling sliders to zero, and jacking the touch and hearing all the way to 10.
I have never really associated these fetishes and kinks to my psychology in this way and it is fascinating to do so. I wonder how many other heavy rubberists can relate to my experience? If you are one, please comment and let me know.
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